if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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