How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
