I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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