you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
