I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
