She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I didn't notice because vodka
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
