you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
