dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
