The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
They have beer where we have blood.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
