Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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