I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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