do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I cannot find my penis.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
