Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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