I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
