hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
