I must be too annoying 4 u.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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