My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
