So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
