I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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