I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
