kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
