I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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