Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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