I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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