I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Pants are for mortals
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
