Where are you?
In a non slutty way
everyone is single if you try hard enough
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
