She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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