By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
