you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
