just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize