God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
