i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
