he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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