Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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