I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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