Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
