Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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