I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
