just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
