Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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