i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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