3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
