New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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