So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize