I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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