when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
you had me at cake vodka
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
