i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
