Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
