we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
