toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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