I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
