My room smells like vodka and shame
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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