Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
