theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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