i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
