i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I am midnight drunk by noon
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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