woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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