he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
