ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
