Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
