I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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