Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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