Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
