Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
