She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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