i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
