I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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