Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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