I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
