I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
