You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
