i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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