I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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