***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
