I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
