I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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