So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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