Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Welp...herpes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
