I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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