I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
