....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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