About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
