That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
