he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize