How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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