its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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