out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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