Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
