dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
