i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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