Buhtt sex?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We named our party play list daddy issues
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize