the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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