Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
