Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize