I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
