I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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