Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize