If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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