oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dear god my vagina.
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