i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
