No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
