I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
