I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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