I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize